Sexy Shlohmo

Shlohmo! I had a Hebrew School teacher who went by Shlohmo. He smelled like fish skins and wore square, camel-toned, thick-rimmed glasses. Random gray strands of hair dangled from his chin as he tortured us with lessons on silent vowels and morality. His neck bounced when he talked, and he wore his armpit sweat stains like badges of honor. Not sexy, right?

That's why I'm always surprised to hear very sexy music from electronic beat maker Shlohmo.

His release with How to Dress Well “Don’t Say No” makes my pants feel funny. The second the beat kicks in hard, How to Dress Well’s high-pitched soulful vocals reverberate around a slinky clave pattern and to-the-point kick drum beat. Shlohmo slow and patient automation of the phasers on his synthesizers is both mysterious and seductive, like the girl in the shadows beckoning you forward then disappearing. Who knows what love the night will bring?

Shlohmo's music is already a regular feature on my daily playlists. His track "Hot Boxing the Cockpit" is one of my system bass tests. But while "Hot Boxing" begins with frenetic bird sounds, spiral staircase synths, and deep and phased out bass blasts, "Don't Say No", a new release from his upcoming EP Laid Out is a much smoother affair. You can pre-order a marbled red and black vinyl of Laid Out via bandcamp.

FSonicSmith's picture

I had a Shlomoh and a Pinchas and a Schmouel. So once my family of six caravanned in two compact cars to Long Island to see our grandparents and we used CBs to stay in contact with each other. We used Pinchas and Schmouel as our handles for the two cars. My mom had no idea how to use the mic to the CB and left it locked "on" as she was jabbering away about God know what. We were tooling down the highway and we heard a trucker locked onto our channel say about my mother "She seems to have that mic shoved up her pu@#y and she keeps talking about her pink ass". We laugh about that one forty years later. 

ScullComm's picture

That is HILARIOUS! That had me laughing in the aisles. Ariel the music's cool too! Of course...

Ariel Bitran's picture


Spotcheck Billy's picture

.......years ago. There was a Shlomo living down the block. I'm not so sure about the spelling, but all of the neighborhood called him "Shloimee". Behind his back some people referred to him as the "Shlump".