You are here

Log in or register to post comments
Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
America the great :)

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the airplane window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

Satch
Satch's picture
Offline
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: Mar 13 2010 - 2:55pm
Re: America the great :)

At the rate of about 500 posts in about 100 days, you've obviously got the quantity part down. Perhaps the quality will come along soon.

Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
Re: America the great :)

Ahhh... the grumpy old man has spoken. Don't you find it funny? I would have posted it as "Denmark the great" if it had happened in my own country.

Jan Vigne
Jan Vigne's picture
Offline
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: Mar 18 2006 - 12:57pm
Re: America the great :)

Settle for the fact he'll even engage you. He won't do that for some here. That he insults you, that's a given. Not only are some Americans dumb ...

It was worth the read and I passsed it along to a few friends who travel.

Satch
Satch's picture
Offline
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: Mar 13 2010 - 2:55pm
Re: America the great :)

"Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel"

Can't help but wonder if you were opposed to the large number of Americans who traveled to Europe in the early 1940's and stayed long enough to save your sorry asses from the Nazis.

Lamont Sanford
Lamont Sanford's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 week 6 days ago
Joined: Mar 31 2006 - 8:32pm
Re: America the great :)

Ah, the old WWII bug-a-boo. They're just stupid jokes he found funny. Mrs. Sanford still thinks I Love Lucy is funny. I think Jan is funny. Pretty "funny" looking....

Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
Re: America the great :)

Not at all, but I am leaning on getting opposed to someone on this forum. Guess who?

Satch
Satch's picture
Offline
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: Mar 13 2010 - 2:55pm
Re: America the great :)

I can only hope that you're referring to me, Freako. After visiting the website you advertised on another thread and learning what you reveal about yourself there, I consider your opposition something to accept with satisfaction - perhaps even some amount of pride. I might have said with gratitude, but I wanted to avoid using a term which you wouldn't understand.

Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
Re: America the great :)

How do you conclude I don't understand grattitude, you stupid fuck? Get real and have a laugh!

ncdrawl
ncdrawl's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 3 months ago
Joined: Oct 18 2008 - 9:18am
Re: America the great :)

Thick skin, you bitches.

Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
Re: America the great :)

Yeah... sorry

Satch
Satch's picture
Offline
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: Mar 13 2010 - 2:55pm
Re: America the great :)

"You stupid fuck", he says. Tough language. Perhaps you're a Danish tough guy? Tough talk from a citizen of a country which survived WW2 by a combination of shameful collaboration with the Nazis followed by their rescue by those brave enough to fight back. Now that is funny! You've succeeded. I'm laughing.

edever
edever's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 2 months ago
Joined: Mar 19 2009 - 3:05pm
Re: America the great :)

Making fun of stupid Americans is verboten.

Please excuse the German, I just returned from Arizona.

dbowker
dbowker's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 month 5 days ago
Joined: May 8 2007 - 6:37am
Re: America the great :)

Among many hilarious quotes, my favorite might be the Pepsi Cola one-- though the Cape Town one is pretty good too.

Lamont Sanford
Lamont Sanford's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 week 6 days ago
Joined: Mar 31 2006 - 8:32pm
Re: America the great :)

Arizona is fucking kicking ass. I hope New Mexico and Texas follow suit. I live in a border state. You don't have to, asshole. Have Gun, Will Travel.

Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
Re: America the great :)


Quote:
"You stupid fuck", he says. Tough language. Perhaps you're a Danish tough guy? Tough talk from a citizen of a country which survived WW2 by a combination of shameful collaboration with the Nazis followed by their rescue by those brave enough to fight back. Now that is funny! You've succeeded. I'm laughing.

Good! That was my intention in the first place! FYI: I was not born when 1) the Danish government "collaborated" with the Nazi's, or 2) when the US military came to our rescue. Thus I can only say: 1) Shame! and 2) Thanks!

Could we stop this escalating mocking now? I have never met you, Dixieland, and you might be a decent guy by all means, who knows? You have never met me either, and perhaps you'd have thought likewise about me if not... etc.

Regards

Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
Re: America the great :)
ncdrawl
ncdrawl's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 3 months ago
Joined: Oct 18 2008 - 9:18am
Re: America the great :)


Quote:
Arizona is fucking kicking ass. I hope New Mexico and Texas follow suit. .

I hope so, too. I totally agree with the law. The stress on social systems is too much... and I am getting really sick of seeing kids in school who do not speak english. We need to preserve our language/country.

Satch
Satch's picture
Offline
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: Mar 13 2010 - 2:55pm
Re: America the great :)

Freako, I'm happy to end this exchange and to accept the statements you made in your post #88006 as sincere. It is unfortunate, I think, that I had to offer the equivalent of "all Danes are cowards" for you to get the point that some might justifiably take exception to "All Americans are ignorant fools". Unfortunately, my gentler attempts failed.

Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
Re: America the great :)

OK. Actually I don't think you are, and I never did. It was meant as a laughing matter, nothing else.

Buddha
Buddha's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: Sep 8 2005 - 10:24am
Re: America the great :)

You know how some extremists live just for the chance to feel as if they have been slighted?

Can't make a 'woman' joke around a radical feminist, etc...

Their lives are filled with, "What did you mean by that...?"

Everybody has foibles, Freako. No worries!

I'm sure that as you walk past the thousands of porn shops in Copenhagen, spend money on the hookers from eastern Europe, or read the Muhammad cartoons in all your papers, everyone blonde, everyone with Bang and Olufsen Hi Fi, in your 30 square meter homes, eating all those terrible pastries, you don't think about stereotypes at all.

Really, make all the American jokes you like. After all, if we get too ticked off, we'll just send Chuck Norris to break your neck.

Elk
Elk's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: Dec 26 2006 - 6:32am
Re: America the great :)


Quote:
After all, if we get too ticked off, we'll just send Chuck Norris to break your neck.


Worse yet, we will make you watch his acting, A Clockwork Orange style.

Buddha
Buddha's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: Sep 8 2005 - 10:24am
Re: America the great :)


Quote:

Quote:
After all, if we get too ticked off, we'll just send Chuck Norris to break your neck.


Worse yet, we will make you watch his acting, A Clockwork Orange style.

Well, what kind of panzy blinks during a Chuck Norris movie, anyway?

rvance
rvance's picture
Offline
Last seen: 11 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: Sep 8 2007 - 9:58am
Re: America the great :)

Hey you guys, this is AMERICA!! Speak SPANISH!

Lamont Sanford
Lamont Sanford's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 week 6 days ago
Joined: Mar 31 2006 - 8:32pm
Re: America the great :)

Le pidio a la mujer que le hiciera una mamada

Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
Re: America the great :)

Lol. I resent Chuck Norris movies, and I resent Jean-Claude van Damme's movies even more, so please don't make me watch any of that stuff, ok?

And there's no way to walk past any of the few remaining porn shops in Copenhagen any longer. The area is so crowded with Japanese tourists that you can't move an eyelid.

Hookers...? No thanks. I value my life too much

Jeff0000
Jeff0000's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: Mar 30 2009 - 8:28pm
Re: America the great :)


Quote:

Quote:
After all, if we get too ticked off, we'll just send Chuck Norris to break your neck.


Worse yet, we will make you watch his acting, A Clockwork Orange style.

So that's acting ... who knew

Freako
Freako's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 days ago
Joined: Jan 17 2010 - 8:29am
Re: America the great :)

OMG, I'm getting chills down my spine just by the thought of it...

JoeE SP9
JoeE SP9's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 month 3 weeks ago
Joined: Oct 31 2005 - 6:02pm
Re: America the great :)


Quote:

Quote:
Arizona is fucking kicking ass. I hope New Mexico and Texas follow suit. .

I hope so, too. I totally agree with the law. The stress on social systems is too much... and I am getting really sick of seeing kids in school who do not speak english. We need to preserve our language/country.

I agree with you and Lamont.

I heard that someone called city hall in Orlando and was asked by the operator to speak Spanish.

Did you ever wonder why there is a Spanish language track on almost every American TV program but not one Spanish program has an English track?

  • X
    Enter your Stereophile.com username.
    Enter the password that accompanies your username.
    Loading