Teaching Elizabeth's Plants to Swear

Elizabeth is leaving us, and she doesn't care.

She says, "Oh, I might stop for a second and think, 'Wow, I bet they'd really love this view, too, but I promise you: I won't be worrying about how the ad pages look.'"

It'll only be two weeks. She's going on vacation. But still: Two weeks without our managing editor? Two weeks without Elizabeth? Who knows what could happen? Without a woman to keep us tidy, on time, and tucked in, things might just get a little bit rough around here.

"Elizabeth," says JA, "when you get back, we'll still be wearing the same clothes, only difference is there'll be the proper manly sweat circles."

"Yeah," I say, "and there'll be pizza boxes and beer bottles all over the floor."

"Ha!" JA continues, "And you'll find a big tobacco stain outside of Stephen's office."

"That's right. And lots of other stains, too," I say.

JA turns to me and, forgetting for a moment that Elizabeth is actually still here, we take turns:

"We'll leave all the lights on and we'll forget to put the toilet seat down."

"We won't bother to close the refrigerator door."

"We'll teach Elizabeth's plants to swear!"

Al Marcy's picture

Plants could teach us many things. We learn to swear automatically, during birth. Get a pair of HP-65 speakers from Denon. They need a sub, but Denon sells one, too. They are beautifully crafted and sound good, too.

elizabeth's picture

I will miss you all terribly and think of all the great music I will be missing in the office as I listen to the swirl of the Arno from Pont Vecchio and the lap of the sea on the Italian Riviera!Ciao, bella:)e.Don't teach my plants to use profanity, or else!

Stephen Mejias's picture

>Don't teach my plants to use profanity, or else! I've been whispering curses into your plants' ears every night for the past two weeks. Why do you think I stay in the office so late? Your plants are slow. Ehi, la pianta: questo

Buddha's picture



She's in the room!