Ambidextrous, It Seems

Jon Iverson remembers when Moscode amps came equipped with a diaper. "The instructions," he reminisces, "suggested the listener put it on before firing up the amp for the first time."

I'm a bit disappointed that my Moscode did not include a diaper. If I could make any changes to Moscode's current production, I would reinstate the diaper policy. Immediately.

All of that newfound deep bass can really shake things up. Owners are liable to have accidents of the second grade variety.

My Moscode did, however, come with a single glove. "A glove?" you ask. Yes, that's just what I said. Wonko the Sane wants to hear more about it. He wrote, "After your description of the rest of the accoutrements, I almost expect a black leather lace-up elbow length number."

Wonko's funny. And he's not too, too far off. I must have done a good job in my previous descriptions. Let me try to keep that going:

It's an SWG: Single White Glove. Ambidextrous, it seems, and covered in black PVC dots for firm and sure grip, this glove might have been made fashionable by the King of Pop had the PVC dots instead been diamonds. But diamonds cut glass, and, in this case, cutting glass would, of course, defeat the purpose. The Moscode and its accoutrements are, after all, nothing if not purposeful. Let me throw some more commas at you: Like Jimmy Edgar, girl, let my rhythm take control. In the case of the SWG, the purpose is as clear as diamond itself: it protects its wearer from burning his or her (that's right, gentleman — girls can play, too) pretty little fingertips when they've decided it's time to swap some tubes.

Tubes get hot. You'll want to wear the glove. It helps. And, to my great delight, it looks good, too. Indeed, the SWG may be the exact spot in this here audiophile universe where form meets function. Under normal circumstances, I despise gloves. These hands like to be seen. I throw them about like Egon Schiele, spreading my long, thin fingers into metaphorical Vees. You know what I'm talking about. But these PVC-covered lovlies are so very different. If I had another — if, that is to say, the Single White Glove were a Double White Glove — I would proudly wear them out to any trashy dive bar, in order to complement, perfectly, my black sports jacket atop death metal tee.

My favorite feature? On one side, in strong black curves, the SWG announces, simply: ULINE.

ULINE, I take it, is the SWG's name. That's what I call it, at least. I cover my sensitive skin in its lovely PVC, and like another, greater, King of Pop, I say, with gusto and verve and a good bit of sass:

"ULINE, come on over and do the twist."

Buddha's picture

Yup, I knew it. I KNEW you'd get back to talking about hand stuff. No worries, mate, you're more evolved than I am, I'm still roaming around making dick jokes.

Monty's picture

Some Martial Arts teach that the hands are for creating and the feet are for fighting. I'll pretty much buy that, except I think the feet are for running.

Clay White's picture

Charlie Byrd used Fabulous Fakes to repair broken fingernails, but I never encountered a guitar player who sounded good wearing even one glove. Good Luck.

Stephen Mejias's picture

Everyone's a comedian.

Buddha's picture

A comedian? Cool! I've moved up from smart ass! Seriously, though, we kid. We kid because we love. Also, I've always wanted to say this, and now that I'm officially a comedian, I can: I'll be here all week. Try the veal. Be good to your waitress.

Stephen Mejias's picture

And don't forget to tip the bartender.