Sex With Something You Love

Okay, so now that we’ve all done our duty and held new babies, eaten dry turkey, listened to insane political diatribes and generally spent nothing but super terrific quality time with our families, not to mention paid fealty to the whole “it’s more blessed to give than to receive” rot, it’s time to get serious and talk about what WE want. No, not that, but something you can hold in your hands…well, yes, I guess you can hold that in your hands as well. Actually that’s the point really isn’t it with those perfectly teardropped mounds of soft, warm…. Sorry! Need to watch that.

What I meant to say, which should be clear from the above ejac…paragraph, is it’s time to talk about what we, the completely normal, non sexually deviant staff of Stereophile refer to as “audio porn,” which is in–house slang for the two catalogs that arrive before the holidays—but which, because you are rushing about buying gifts for others—you can’t really ogle and slaver over until January. Two printed catalogs make up the sticky paged, being naughty duo: Acoustic Sounds and Music Direct. Both offer nice clear shots of large breasted, tight–bottomed… I mean, a large selection of both high end audio gear and audiophile LP and SACD issues and reissues of music, all pictured in full color on lush coated stock.

Now I understand that in this age of internet porn and instant gratification pictures of Musical Fidelity M1HPA headphone amps or Carver Black Beauty Mono Blocks or the two page spread with Analogue Productions Blue Note reissues on one side and their Impulse reissues on the other may not do it for ya. Yes, getting excited by images on the printed page is distinctly last century. Just ask Hugh Hefner. The internet ate his lunch about a decade ago. But while the internet savvy audio pornsters may need more live action—breathing, grunting, squeaking, human on human…get a grip, shake it off…us ancient paper junkies still get a jolly looking at page after glorious page of records you don’t have or small metal or large wood boxes that facilitate wondrous sounds in an experience that’s tangentially akin to …I’m sure by now you’ve got the idea.

If you don’t have a copy of these two wish books go to or to request a copy. They are the last word in audiophallic wish fulfillment. Even Miles Davis looks a bit worried as to what carnal ends these publications may be used for.

jrmandude's picture


I'm so glad that I upgraded from a flea watt amp to high current solid state, not to mention abandoning the mini monitors for full range floor standing three ways.  This lets me go beyond the adolescent, almost anal attention to small details and focus on the full weight and impact of the symphonic flow and driving rhythm of hard rock, which is truly the core of the musical experience.  If not, I might still be like our Dear Bob and his sad attachment to the printed page of the audio porn purveyors.  Not to mention his fretting over which is better, vinyl or digits.  Let us hope he finds companionship soon, lest, like Miles, he flings himself into more creative outlets.

ack's picture

I have a perfectly good old Pioneer deck.   I need to think about a new cartridge for the thing but instead I have been "lusting" after the idea of either new decks or a nice used one.  It is completely silly but fun. 

otaku's picture

Serious audioporn

Paul Luscusk's picture

Audio Advisor

roadster's picture

...but the body won't. As the verse goes.

I guess I should be grateful for having reached my ripe old age. My hearing is not what it use to be so I can buy myself a new, not so expensive system and it will produce all those wonderful notes that my ears will allow me to hear.

Now what was that about porn...let me find my glasses. 

praveshkumar796's picture

It's good when thinks about the condoms during that time. Safety is must for that time. Firstly, my right hand puts on my pocket and open a new packed condom.