Something to Blog About

"This is something to blog about," I said from the floor.

The enormous and unwieldy Pioneer S-1EX loudspeaker was being polite about it. It may have been cutting into the flesh below my knee and pointing its shiny spikes in my face, but at least it wasn't groping me.

JA had called from his home in Brooklyn. "Stephen, I'll need you to come over. The speakers have rounded sides, so I can't even lift them out of their crates. If you help me get them into the house and up the stairs, I'll be able to measure them."

An hour or so later, I was in Brooklyn. Shortly thereafter, I was on the floor.

We had stripped the loudspeaker from its outer flight case, leaving only the base and its useful wheels. We then rolled it from JA's garage, down his driveway, and to the side entrance of his house. The dark blue speaker glistened in the cold, cold sun. We opened the door, braced ourselves. The dark blue speaker watched us, smiled. JA wrapped his arms around the top portion of the speaker and pulled its weight towards him. I grabbed the speaker from the bottom and leveled it upwards. The speaker's shiny chrome feet winked at me. We carried the awkward animal towards the house. The cold, cold wind blew and tried to shut the door on us. "Oh no," JA said. "I've got it," I said.

Bracing the speaker against my hip, I reached out and pushed the door open again. We were almost there. Baby steps into the small entrance, and up the short flight of stairs: one, two, three, and then:

Going upwards, backwards, into the house, while JA walked forward and lifted, I noticed that the top of the speaker would soon crash against the doorframe above it. "Wait, wait... Be careful... Watch..." My broken words were too weak to avoid the crash, but strong enough to prevent any real damage. JA got the message, but not before nudging the speaker against the door frame. The force of the small impact, along with JA's forward movement, left me with no place to go. I couldn't step upwards fast enough, and so I fell.

Falling upwards is funny. It happens so slowly. Like a see-saw, I simply went down. At some point in the equation, JA must have been supporting a whole lot of weight because I wasn't hurt at all. The speaker rested gently against my chest, leaving only a small bruise just below my left knee. I laughed.

"This is something to blog about."

I wriggled out from beneath the speaker, allowing JA to rest the speaker's weight against the floor. Somehow, now, it was all the way into the house. The dark blue speaker shivered and sighed. We raised it up together, hoisted it onto a small dollie, and were done. Together, we wheezed.

"Well, Stephen," JA said, "that's all I needed you for."
Together, we laughed.

COMMENTS
Mrs. JA's picture

I know that every word of this entry is true because I have been witness to it all before. I'm usually the one at the other end of the whatever-it-is that weighs a ton and is designed not to be easily moved. I'm so glad that you did n't get hurt when you fell. Thank you Stephen for lending the helping hand.

andrew jones's picture

Stephen, next time John politely declines my offer of help in delivering the speakers, you might want to remind him of this episode.I hadn't realised that Stereophile had added drop testing to the measurement routine, but I could perhaps give you pointers to a more rigorous and repeatable methodology.By the way, for lifting such speakers in future, may I remind you that that is what vented speakers are really about. Forget power handling and bass response and such stuff, it's really about giving you a handhold when lifting.Just be glad John wasn't testing my 330lb monster!Glad you weren't seriously hurt.Andrew Jones

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