Ill at Ease
I spent much of this long holiday weekend feeling guilty about not doing any work. I don't really like long weekends. They mess me up, make me feel out of sorts, ill at ease.
A: I lose my grasp on time and place.
Q: What do I mean by that?
I'm not sure if this is exactly true, but the answer I'm coming up with right now is: I thrive on consistency and routine.
Maybe it has something to do with me being a Virgo, or maybe it just has something to do with me being me. In any case, long weekends break consistency and routine like Jay Feely broke my heart by missing three field goals in the Giants' 24-21 overtime loss to the Seahawks.
I turned off the television, wondering why I even watch sports. My favorite teams in baseball: the Mets; in football: the Giants; in basketball: the Nets are always either underachieving or overachieving, and doing it in dramatic fashion. And, really: I don't need any more stress in my life. My hair doesn't need any help falling out of my head.
I decided to spend $35 on a haircut anyway. Victor, the stylist from Argentina with the goatee on his chin and plugs in his scalp, asked: "What do you do for a living?"
I knew where he was going with this. "I'm an editor for a magazine," I said. "So, yes, it's always deadlines, deadlines, deadlines."
"That'll do it," he said.
I thought about it.
"You might be right," I said.
"You should try to relax more," he said. "Maybe go for a walk or drink some wine or go an entire day without turning your computer on."
I tried all of Victor's suggestions on Friday, and it made me sick.
JA just came over and:
"Stephen, what's emo?"
"It's funny you ask..."
I could have stopped right there, but I continued: "Because I tried explaining it to my little sister over Thanksgiving..."