Magic Thrives at PWB Electronics

Forget about tuning dots, mystical poker chips, and clocks with programmed electrons. They're all hopelessly out of date.

In Berkeley, California, where I lived for many years, crackpot theorists of every variety are as common as cockroaches. I have known people who sincerely believe that the world's economic order is controlled by a secret cabal of bankers, who believe that crystals programmed in ancient Atlantis speak to them personally, who believe that a perky blond equestrienne from the Pacific Northwest is the incarnation of a 40,000-year-old warrior.

Even today, I know wealthy investors who confer with astrologers, and seemingly intelligent adults who pay many thousands of dollars to spiritual consultants who convince them that adding an extra letter to their names will provide "better harmonic balance" and thereby improve their fortunes. I've read Velikovsky. I've endured recruitment pitches by cults and pyramid schemes. I've heard tales of past lives revisited, and I've listened patiently while grown men enthused about the audible benefits of gluing fender washers to picture windows and sheetrock walls.

All of it was scant preparation for Peter W. Belt. The Leeds, England-based hi-fi guru now has an extensive website replete with his personal canon, descriptions of his products, and instructions on how to use them. The site archives newsletters full of in-depth discussions by his adherents.

The whole of it---by turns baffling, outrageous, and hilarious---makes for fascinating reading. Belt's cosmology is based on some private epiphanies that he offers as facts without any attempt at exegesis. For example: "Within all living creatures, there is an attempt to maintain an inner symmetrical pattern." Having established this vague notion ex cathedra, he accuses "science and technology" of surrounding individuals "with innumerable objects which have asymmetrical energy patterns that create a chronic problem for our senses."

The problem often begins with the first photograph taken of a person, he claims, an occurrence that "radically changed the inner symmetry of the photographed human being." Belt does not describe exactly how this "inner symmetry" becomes damaged by the photographic process, but he does offer a cure: take another photo at a later date, and put the two photos in plastic bags in a refrigerator's freezer compartment. Now play some music, either live or recorded. "This will create a most unusual beneficial phenomenon," states Belt, who does not explain how he made the discovery. "A significant improvement to the musical sound should have taken place."

Got that? Now you're ready to join him in the leap of faith that the positive and negative phases of alternating current are "pointing first at the future and then at the past." Did you know that inscribing the magic number ‘x 26 ‘x---the significance of the number is known only to Mr. Belt---in red pen on everything you own, and then "activating" the number by illuminating it with a flashlight, will vastly improve your life and your listening? The red-pen treatment, incidentally, is effective only "after the individual's photograph has been treated." But be careful---rituals not performed in the prescribed order may do more harm than good!

Further warning: placing "untreated" batteries in the deep freeze will destroy the freezer's "symmetry." That's not something you ever wish to do, because the cryogenic benefits of chilled Compact Discs are due to the freezer's symmetry. Simply putting a disc outside on a cold winter's night and bringing it back in later won't do the trick.

But maybe a pair of Belt's special mirrors will. Place these---one in gold, one in silver---atop each of your audio components so that they are "looking" at each other. The arrangement balances the component's energy. Result? Better sound. Mr. Belt will soon have the mirror trick condensed to "a complex computer program" printed on a stick-on label that you can affix to your equipment. It's much less cumbersome and far more efficient that way. And the postage is cheaper.

Belt has a huge assortment of stick-ons for all occasions, prominent among them Silver Rainbow Foil, suitable for treating "any spinning object such as a vinyl record or Compact Disc," which "interacts with the gravitational force to create adverse energy patterns."

While you're applying Silver Rainbow Foil, be absolutely sure you cover those 33.33 and 45rpm numbers on your records. Exposed numbers are very bad juju, but nothing that Morphic Message Foil can't tame. The stuff has positive, protective messages printed on it in type too small to read, but the universe knows it's there---and understands.

Researchers have barely begun to theorize about using an electron's quantum states as a form of computer memory, but Belt has scooped the entire world by creating products that operate in the quantum realm. Try Quantum Cream, an unguent to be slathered hither and yon for truly cosmic benefits; or the Quantum Clip, a device so expensive ("Extended payment time can be arranged for this item on a zero-interest basis") and extraordinary it defies my descriptive powers---mainly because I haven't a clue what it's supposed to do.

It's all there in plain sight at www.belt.demon.co.uk. If you figure it out, let me know. Miracle cures are always welcome.

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