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December 12, 2007 - 1:41pm
#1
Musician jokes - post 'em
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posted this one in another thread:
Whats the difference between a bull and a band?
On a bull, the horns are in the front and the ass is in the back.
Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.
hahahahahaha
Q. What do you call a person with no musical talent, but who likes to hang around with a band?
A. The drummer.
For JA:
How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.
Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice.
One, but the guitarist has to show him first.
Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"
RG
Poor drummers
How do you know the Drums riser is level ?
There's drool coming out of both sides of his mouth
Bass player and Guitarist are having a fight at the rehearsal... lead singer tries to break it up
Lead singer - "Come on guys what is the damn problem here"
Bass Player (points at Guitarist)- "...he detuned my bass!"
Lead singer - ...aaaaw now c'mon that's no reason to knock him around"
Bass player - "Oh Yeah? ...he wont tell me which string"
OK, here's one for our brass players...
A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"
RG
that ones amazing (french horn one)
If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story building, who wins?
music.
What's the difference between a viola player and a seamstress?
A seamstress tucks up the frills.
Between a horn player and a seamstress?
Seamstress says "tuck the frills."
Between a soprano and a seamstress?
Seamstress can tuck and frill at the same time.
Q. What do you call a musician who doesn't have a girlfriend?
A. Homeless
Q. What do you say to a banjo player wearing a suit?
A. Will the defendant please rise
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A vocalist.
Definition of an optimist:
A folk musician with a mortgage.
2 tuba players walk past a bar...
...well, in theory it could happen..
What's the difference between a baby and an opera conductor?
The baby sucks his fingers...
How do you know if the drum riser is level?
The drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car? Took two hours before they were able to get the drummer out.
(I love these jokes. I actually, truly, have the greatest admiration for musicians and two of the best musicians I've ever met are drummers - plus they play other instruments too).
Now, back to the jokes:
Difference between Dr. Scholl's padded insoles, and an orchestra conductor:
The insoles buck up your feet...
how do you know that's a trombonist's kid on the playground?
He can't use the slide and doesn't know how to swing.
What did the Deadhead say when he got out of rehab?
This band sucks!