"A drunk mans words are a sober man's thoughts."
"But the greatest love--the love above all loves, Even greater than that of a mother... Is the tender, passionate, undying love, Of one beer drunken slob for another."
Irish love ballad
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"
"I'm not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment ... and a stomach virus ... and an inner ear infection."
Brian, Family Guy
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
"A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says 'You've been brought here for drinking.' The drunk says 'Okay, let's get started.'"
"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
George F. Burns
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober."
William Butler Yeats
"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."